Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

1. AL GORE: I invented the chicken, and kept it in a lockbox, on the other side of the road.
2. AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
3. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
4. ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
5. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
6. BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
7. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of
8. molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
9. BERNIE SANDERS: The chicken crossed the road because I'm giving free everything to everybody, including free stuff to all chickens.
10. BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
11. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
12. COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
13. DAN QUAYLE: The chicken crossed the road because it heard there was a potatoe over on the other side.
14. DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
15. DONALD TRUMP: The chicken crossed the road because it wanted to bask in my magnificence. I hear a lot of chickens feel this way, almost all of them in fact. Who can blame them? I'm fantastic. And did I mention ... I'm very, very rich.
16. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
17. DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
18. DUGGARS: The chicken crossed the road because it heard Michelle Duggar is running out of eggs.
19. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
20. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
21. GLENN BECK: The chicken crossed the road because Obama, wearing a Nazi armband and disguised as Hitler, was chasing it.
22. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
23. HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
24. JEB BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because his brother crossed the road.
25. JOHN KERRY: I voted to let the chicken cross the road before I voted against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it, unless I change my mind again.
26. JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialog with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
27. KANYE WEST: The chicken crossed the road because George Bush doesn't care about chickens.
28. KIM KARDASHIAN: The chicken crossed the road so I could teach it how to hold a selfie stick.
29. ISIS: The chicken was an infidel. We cut off its head and posted the video on YouTube. Allah Akbar
30. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
31. MICHELLE OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road so I could kill it and put it in a good healthy, low-cal salad.
32. MIKE HUCKABEE: The chicken crossed the road to get to a KFC restaurant and participate in a protest because it heard they were killing young chickens and selling the body parts. I'm with that chicken 110%.
33. MITT ROMNEY: The chicken crossed the road because that's where the 47% who pay no taxes are. It did not want to pay taxes.
34. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
35. NRA: The chicken crossed the road because it is its constitutional right to do so and you can't take that away from a chicken or it will kill you.
36. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
37. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
38. RACHEL MADDOW: Seriously, let me explain why the chicken crossed the road .... (3 hour monologue)............So now you know, that's why the chicken crossed the road.
39. RUSH LIMBAUGH: What does it say about the chicken who crosses the road to go before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex -- what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She's having so much sex she can't afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex.
40. SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick and he could see the other side of the road from his house.
41. TED CRUZ: On my first day in office my first official act will be to repeal chickens, AND roads.
42. TOM BRADY: The chicken crossed the road because it heard that I had some balls that needed pecking at to deflate them.
43. WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH: The chicken crossed the road because all the chickens on the side it was on with to start were gay and Jews, and God hates gays and Jews.