Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

1. AL GORE: I invented the chicken, and kept it in a lockbox, on the other side of the road.
2. AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?
3. ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
4. ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
5. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
6. BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.
7. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of
8. molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
9. BERNIE SANDERS: The chicken crossed the road because I'm giving free everything to everybody, including free stuff to all chickens.
10. BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.
11. BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
12. COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
13. DAN QUAYLE: The chicken crossed the road because it heard there was a potatoe over on the other side.
14. DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
15. DONALD TRUMP: The chicken crossed the road because it wanted to bask in my magnificence. I hear a lot of chickens feel this way, almost all of them in fact. Who can blame them? I'm fantastic. And did I mention ... I'm very, very rich.
16. DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
17. DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.
18. DUGGARS: The chicken crossed the road because it heard Michelle Duggar is running out of eggs.
19. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
20. GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.
21. GLENN BECK: The chicken crossed the road because Obama, wearing a Nazi armband and disguised as Hitler, was chasing it.
22. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
23. HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?
24. JEB BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because his brother crossed the road.
25. JOHN KERRY: I voted to let the chicken cross the road before I voted against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it, unless I change my mind again.
26. JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialog with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
27. KANYE WEST: The chicken crossed the road because George Bush doesn't care about chickens.
28. KIM KARDASHIAN: The chicken crossed the road so I could teach it how to hold a selfie stick.
29. ISIS: The chicken was an infidel. We cut off its head and posted the video on YouTube. Allah Akbar
30. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
31. MICHELLE OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road so I could kill it and put it in a good healthy, low-cal salad.
32. MIKE HUCKABEE: The chicken crossed the road to get to a KFC restaurant and participate in a protest because it heard they were killing young chickens and selling the body parts. I'm with that chicken 110%.
33. MITT ROMNEY: The chicken crossed the road because that's where the 47% who pay no taxes are. It did not want to pay taxes.
34. NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
35. NRA: The chicken crossed the road because it is its constitutional right to do so and you can't take that away from a chicken or it will kill you.
36. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
37. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
38. RACHEL MADDOW: Seriously, let me explain why the chicken crossed the road .... (3 hour monologue)............So now you know, that's why the chicken crossed the road.
39. RUSH LIMBAUGH: What does it say about the chicken who crosses the road to go before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex -- what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She's having so much sex she can't afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex.
40. SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick and he could see the other side of the road from his house.
41. TED CRUZ: On my first day in office my first official act will be to repeal chickens, AND roads.
42. TOM BRADY: The chicken crossed the road because it heard that I had some balls that needed pecking at to deflate them.
43. WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH: The chicken crossed the road because all the chickens on the side it was on with to start were gay and Jews, and God hates gays and Jews.

Bobby Jindal--A Piece of Work Like No Other.

A real letter sent by Bobby Jindal to Barack Obama.  Don't mention climate change.  And I guess he means they don't need any more federal money.



August 26, 2015

The President
1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW
Washington, DC 20500

Dear Mr. President,

This week it will be a pleasure to welcome you to the great State of Louisiana and to meet with you in the greatest city on earth – Chicago notwithstanding.
New Orleans still bears the scars of the summer of 2005. But since then we have experienced a Louisiana comeback. It has been a revival like no other in America.

There are now more people living and working in Louisiana than at any other time in the State's history, earning higher incomes than ever before. A 25-year problem of outmigration has become a boom of in-migration of both people and employers. New Orleans has become a magnet for venture capital investment in its technology and media sectors.

Most importantly, with the New Orleans Recovery School District at its epicenter, our education system has been revolutionized. Charter schools and our scholarship program have given parents previously unthinkable choice and children unprecedented opportunity.

The soul of the city of New Orleans is the rhythm of its wonderful people. They have shown immeasurable courage to return, rebuild and reimagine a new future.

This week is a time to mourn the loss of loved ones and the passing of a period in our history. It is also a time to celebrate those whose future has become brighter in the storm's terrible wake.

There is a time and a place for politics, but this is not it.

It is therefore with disappointment that I read of the White House's plans to make this visit part of a tour for your climate change agenda. Although I understand that your emphasis in New Orleans will – rightly – be on economic development, the temptation to stray into climate change politics should be resisted.

While you and others may be of the opinion that we can legislate away hurricanes with higher taxes, business regulations and EPA power grabs, that is not a view shared by many Louisianians.

I would ask you to respect this important time of remembrance by not inserting the divisive political agenda of liberal environmental activism.

Furthermore, the people of Louisiana have already agreed upon a pragmatic and bipartisan approach to preventing and mitigating the damage of future weather systems.

Since 2008, we have taken unprecedented efforts toward restoring Louisiana's coastline. We have entirely reorganized the state's coastal restoration, flood control and hurricane protection program by consolidating the missions of five different state agencies into one streamlined organization. We have prioritized projects that are best for the coast overall, as opposed to what is best for singular concerns like protection or restoration or mitigation.

We developed and passed – with bipartisan majorities – the Coastal Master Plan that lays out a resource-specific, 50-year, $50 billion plan for south Louisiana. It addresses the 1,880 square miles of land the State has lost since the 1930's, through innovative tools such as long distance dredging and sediment diversions.

This process created a more efficient way of managing efforts by keeping funding consolidated and allowing for more impactful projects. Importantly, we have ensured all funding from the RESTORE Act will be used for coastal restoration projects.

A lecture on climate change would do nothing to improve upon what we are already doing. Quite the opposite; it would distract from the losses we have suffered, diminish the restoration efforts we have made, and overshadow the miracle that has been the Louisiana comeback.

Partisan politics from Washington, D.C. are unwelcome in Louisiana at the best of times. This week it would be met with nothing but derision. I would therefore ask you to carefully consider your message.

In 2008 you were elected on a promise of hope and change. Since then, New Orleanians have delivered those things for themselves. It would be constructive to bring people together in that same spirit.

Sincerely,

Bobby Jindal
Governor

It's a Man Thing

You Know You're From Arizona When....

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You can say Hohokam and no one thinks you're making it up

You no longer associate rivers or bridges with water.

You know that a "swamp cooler" is not a happy hour drink.

You can contemplate a high temperature of 120 degrees as "not all that bad, after all it's a dry heat."

You have learned to expertly maneuver your vehicle under any traffic conditions using only two fingers; a skill usually learned initially in July.

You know that you can make sun tea outside faster than instant tea in your microwave.

You have to run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so that you can use your fireplace.

The water coming from the "cold" tap is hotter than that from the hot" tap.

You can correctly pronounce the following words: "Saguaro", "Tempe", "Gila Bend", "San Xavier del Bac", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", "Cholla", and "Tlaquepacque", "Ajo".

It's noon on a weekday in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one single person is moving on the streets.

Hot air balloons can't fly because the air outside is hotter than the air inside.

You buy salsa by the gallon.

Your Christmas decorations include a half a yard of sand and 100 paper bags.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.

You think someone driving while wearing oven mitts is clever.

Most of the restaurants in your town have the first name "El" or "Los."

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful yard.

You can say 115 degrees without fainting.

Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.

People break out coats when the temperature drops below 70.

You discover, in July, it only takes two fingers to drive your car.

The pool can be warmer than you are.

Most people will not drink tap water unless they are under dire conditions.

Monday Night Football starts at 7:00 instead of 9:00

You realize Valley Fever isn't a disco dance.

People with black cars or have black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out-of-state or nuts.

You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts.

Announcements for Fourth of July events never end with "in case of rain..."

You eat hot chilis to cool your mouth off.

You know that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

You know that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

You have to explain to out-of-staters why there is no daylight savings time.

When someone asks how far you live from a location, it's always in terms of minutes, not miles.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

Mother's Little Helpers

Last Days of the Love Locks in Paris

We visited Paris in late May, 2015.   The city was just days away from removing thousands of locks placed on the pedestrian bridges that cross the Seine River which runs through the heart of Paris.  The solution consists of removing the wire mesh railings and replacing them with plexiglas, or simply covering the wire mesh with plexiglas, or with what they think looks like 'art'.  Here's an example (which looks like crap to me):

This is an invitation for major amounts of graffiti, which is a plague in Paris just about everywhere.

We were very glad to see the locks before they were gone forever and wish there was a way they could still be there.